Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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