You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
