ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
