Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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