Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
