You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
