two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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