I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize