Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize