cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
