I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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