Fuck appropriateness.
love makes seman taste better
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
