I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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