she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need a beard to bite.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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