Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this boner is exhausting
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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