I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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