I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
