If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
