She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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