Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
