My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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