Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
