Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
