he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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