I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
