just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
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