He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
