I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
