I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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