So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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