you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
