Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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