So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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