can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
