my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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