yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize