you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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