my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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