you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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