That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
