I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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