Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
