Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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