She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
