How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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