Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
