I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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