What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
