just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
