Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
