I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
