gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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