i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
