Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I love black thongs
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
