I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
