apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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