You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
