RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
