I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
