What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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