great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
