I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
