Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
