You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
