just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
