What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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