For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
