Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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