Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's get the cat blown out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
