I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
