So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
