whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize